pretty in a summer dress.

IMG_6483aSometimes I see
a silent prayer in your face,
a small understanding that
something isn’t right here.

That young innocence
protects your heart
from the great loss
we all know is true.

That innocence that only
feels the love you know
and not a whole hole gaping wide
with so many missed moments
in the stretched future.

Your little words of longing
about how you can still say
whatever you want
because your mama said so
break my heart
even a little more.

I miss your Pa too,
little lady,
I do.

grief.

It’s a fierce thing that
hits me hard every few hours,
a hard knot between my sternum and soul
that refuses to unravel,
a despair so sharp I am sure
it could break me.

The days between the day you died
and today
feel like centuries.
There is so much to tell you.

I brave this summer with chipped nails
and a silent half-empty heart,
where your memory, our memories,
sit to stew and fuel me until tomorrow,
where I will have to wake up,
miss you,
and start over again.