I can’t even remember the last time that I actually wrote a blog for me that wasn’t on my photography site. I am glad that I decided to take a break from personal blogging when I did because frankly, I was at a breaking point. I stopped one day and realized that blogging was not fulfilling at me for me anymore, and it had become more of a chore; a thing to check off the list each week.
Now that life has leveled out, especially since Reagan is three years old and relatively self-sufficient in the ways that count for three-year-old little girls, I have a little bit more freedom to sit and quietly write when I feel the need or the spark.
It’s nice to be back.
This space will be more of a personal blog than my photography blog, but also highlight some of the writing I want to include in my freelance portfolio. Enjoy!
October is here. 2014 is almost here. I am not ready for another year when I feel like this one went by too fast. I know people always use the “blur” statment, but truly, the past few months have been a blur. I don’t know how to process all that has happened in such a short amount of time. I need to make October a good one, a no-stress month.
This month, I will:
+ paint my filing cabinet.
+ stain wooden crates.
+ get more sleep.
Small goals, but doable. That’s what I need. I am not overwhelming myself this month with anything. It just feels like a good time to relax finally.
I have had a lot going on lately. Not just lately, over the past year or so, I have organized and planned an entire wedding alongside keeping a full-time job, starting a part-time photography business, dealing with the diagnosis/treatment of my Dad’s terminal lung cancer, grieving over his death (the words alone bring tears to my eyes as I type this), finding/buying a house, and now, remodeling it. It’s a lot in a short amount of time. And of course, I didn’t do it all by myself, but it doesn’t change the fact that it was hard all the same.
The stress has worn me down.
I’ll be honest that I have never been very good at handling stress. I don’t eat right. I feel a flare in my nerve pain. I normally break down and retreat, wanting to stick my head in the ground until whatever it is that is happening goes away, somehow disappears into thin air. I tend to close off and turn into myself, not wanting to discuss the problems or situation, and somehow it has worked for quite a long time. And when I get to the point that it is all too heavy, when I can’t hide from it anymore, I cry. Big, ugly sobs until I can’t breathe.
And lately, I roam craft stores. I don’t have to buy anything (although I have been allowing myself to spend $20 without feeling guilty), but it feels so big and quiet. And empty, too. Going aisle after aisle calms me. All those pretty little things that can be thrown together and made into bigger prettier things.
Life will slow down soon enough, I suppose, but until then I will just keep going through, head first and headstrong. There really is no other way to get to where we want to be.
What do you do to relax and disconnect from the stresses in your life?
I’ve been an auntie for a long time. Since I was 5 years old. My siblings and I, the five of us, are spread out, so it isn’t too surprising that my first nieces and nephews were closer in age to me than my oldest brother.
I love being an aunt. It is one of the greatest jobs I’ll ever have. Ever. I was thinking last weekend as we were hanging out with Greg’s nephews and niece about just what I love most about being an aunt. There are so many things. I could really go on and on about how rewarding it is, but I picked a few of my favorite things.
- They listen sometimes better to me than to their parents. Key word: sometimes. I occasionally have to put on my “mom voice” and get stern, but for the most part, it’s easy.
- I can buy the little kids all the candy I want (and I am not the bad guy when their parents say “no more before dinner”).
- Babysitting is more like a play date. I get to plan something fun and something to keep them interested. I’ve found that the pet store can be both a blessing and curse for this. It’s cheap, and they love seeing the puppies. They also cry when we can’t take one home with us. Sad tears. Big, fat sad please-let-me tears. And don’t think the thought of actually bringing one home hasn’t crossed my mind. Those little lady tears are powerful.
- I can buy them loud annoying toys for their birthdays. I will most likely regret this when my own kids have birthdays one day, but for now, it’s fun. I tend to buy a lot of shoes for the little kids too. The older ones get money.
- They admire me. I love knowing that they look up to me as an example. And it is something that I take very seriously.
- I get to be their friend. My oldest niece is 23, and she knows she can call me just to chat or hang out or whatever. When I was in high school, I would go pick her up all the time, and she was my favorite shopping buddy. I love having a strong relationship with each of them.
I imagine more nephews and nieces in the future, mostly great nephews and great nieces, but it will be in the distant future. Maybe one of my own first.