Why I Said No to a 100 Day Project.

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It’s April 1st, and the #100DayProject is floating around the internet everywhere, especially on my favorite platform, Instagram. So many of the lovely ladies I follow are posting about what they will be painting or drawing or sewing or creating during their 100 day Project, which officially kicks off on Tuesday, April 3rd.

And of course, my mind kicked into overdrive when I first saw that first post. Oh, my gosh. What am I going to do for my project? What can I sustain for 100 days? What project won’t bore me out of my skull? I better get an idea right now because this starts this week, and I want to have a plan!

Then I stopped myself.

Even thinking about this project was stressing me out! I fast forwarded in my mind a few weeks to when my life would be so busy with portrait sessions and warm-weather activities that I wouldn’t even have a place in my days for anything extra, and I said “no.” I said “no” to making myself to put content out every day that wouldn’t be something that would feel enjoyable, but more like homework that I had been forced into for the sake of contributing to a hashtag project. I said “no” to taking time away from my daughter and the other things that matter. I said “no” to not relaxing, which is something that I have really been working on for myself.

As a result of my little epiphany that saying yes to this project would actually be detrimental to me, I have unfollowed the hashtag and don’t plan on purposely searching for it. I have scaled that part of my social media down to give me some type of quiet.

So to the others like me, who constantly feel like they might miss out (total FOMO sometimes happens here), it is really okay to skip out on the trends and popular hashtags that exist online. It is okay to say no to things that you know in your heart will NOT fill you up in any way other than check a box of “I did that.” It is okay to not be involved in every activity or idea out there.

So many times, we don’t think through the entirely of a project or a committment that we take on. I have been so guilty of this so many times (and continue to struggle with it), and then it becomes something that we feel obligated to do. We continue out of that obligation, and then it is just draining.

So here’s a note to self: Don’t let yourself say “yes” to something that in the end, you know you should have said “no” to.

My, how life has changed.

I can’t even remember the last time that I actually wrote a blog for me that wasn’t on my photography site. I am glad that I decided to take a break from personal blogging when I did because frankly, I was at a breaking point. I stopped one day and realized that blogging was not fulfilling at me for me anymore, and it had become more of a chore; a thing to check off the list each week.

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Now that life has leveled out, especially since Reagan is three years old and relatively self-sufficient in the ways that count for three-year-old little girls, I have a little bit more freedom to sit and quietly write when I feel the need or the spark.

It’s nice to be back.

This space will be more of a personal blog than my photography blog, but also highlight some of the writing I want to include in my freelance portfolio. Enjoy!

october goals.

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October is here. 2014 is almost here. I am not ready for another year when I feel like this one went by too fast. I know people always use the “blur” statment, but truly, the past few months have been a blur. I don’t know how to process all that has happened in such a short amount of time. I need to make October a good one, a no-stress month.

This month, I will:
+ paint my filing cabinet.
+ stain wooden crates.
+ get more sleep.

Small goals, but doable. That’s what I need. I am not overwhelming myself this month with anything. It just feels like a good time to relax finally.

Relax.

stress management.

I have had a lot going on lately. Not just lately, over the past year or so, I have organized and planned an entire wedding alongside keeping a full-time job, starting a part-time photography business, dealing with the diagnosis/treatment of my Dad’s terminal lung cancer, grieving over his death (the words alone bring tears to my eyes as I type this), finding/buying a house, and now, remodeling it. It’s a lot in a short amount of time. And of course, I didn’t do it all by myself, but it doesn’t change the fact that it was hard all the same.

The stress has worn me down.

I’ll be honest that I have never been very good at handling stress. I don’t eat right. I feel a flare in my nerve pain. I normally break down and retreat, wanting to stick my head in the ground until whatever it is that is happening goes away, somehow disappears into thin air. I tend to close off and turn into myself, not wanting to discuss the problems or situation, and somehow it has worked for quite a long time. And when I get to the point that it is all too heavy, when I can’t hide from it anymore, I cry. Big, ugly sobs until I can’t breathe.

And lately, I roam craft stores. I don’t have to buy anything (although I have been allowing myself to spend $20 without feeling guilty), but it feels so big and quiet. And empty, too. Going aisle after aisle calms me. All those pretty little things that can be thrown together and made into bigger prettier things.

Life will slow down soon enough, I suppose, but until then I will just keep going through, head first and headstrong. There really is no other way to get to where we want to be.

What do you do to relax and disconnect from the stresses in your life?