Reading The Best of Me by Nicholas Sparks.
Eating peanut butter bar candy. I’m not even a huge fan of pb, but these things are addictive.
Wishing it was four months from now, and things were back to normal.
Buying Rae Dunn. I am almost done with all of my “wish list” items/mugs for the kitchen.
Listening To podcasts. Of course.
Feeling worn out. Stressed. Irritable.
Dreaming of sunshine and warmth and summer.
Drinking water and pink lemonade.
Working on #projectlife. I am enjoying it as a distraction.
Writing a lot of poetry lately. It’s all the emotion.
If you have been around Greg in the last 6 months or so, you’ll know that he hasn’t felt good at all. He was having stomach pain that wouldn’t go away. Sometimes it would be okay, but it got progressively worse until he couldn’t even leave the house because the pain was so bad. Test after test never showed any particular thing that could be causing it. We’ve been to his primary doctor, a gastro doctor a few times, one ER trip in Topeka. His blood work never showed anything alarming. Finally, January 17, we ended up in the ER in Lawrence because he could barely walk from the pain. They found a mass in his small intestine the size of a cutie orange. He had it removed 5 days later, and after testing came back, it was diffuse large b-cell lymphoma. Cancer. That is the scariest word. Further tests showed that it has not spread (Thank God!), but today we start the first of his chemo treatments to make sure every cell of it is dead and gone.
While chemo is scary, and we have no idea how it will affect him, I feel like we are actually on the uphill part of this journey. We know what the pain was caused from. We know it was cancer. We know it didn’t spread. And in a few short months, we will know that it is gone.
It’s going to be hard, but we’ll do it anyway. We have such confidence in both our surgeon and our oncologist, and we are ready to get this over with and keep going on with our lives. We have a body shop to get off the ground. We have a Disney trip to make next year. We have a little girl to teach to race. We have a 6th birthday party to plan. We have plans and opportunities and a future to look forward to. We have so many things to do, friends to make, people to love, and this is just a hiccup.
If anything, this has taught us that you need to slow down. Do things that make you happy. Stop living according to everyone else’s values and expectations. Do what is best for you. All those quotes that you read online are true when you’re looking down a road that feels full of uncertainty and thick with fear. So read them and take them to heart.