More on this later, but for now, the important part is done.
It’s a fierce thing that
hits me hard every few hours,
a hard knot between my sternum and soul
that refuses to unravel,
a despair so sharp I am sure
it could break me.
The days between the day you died
feel like centuries.
There is so much to tell you.
I brave this summer with chipped nails
and a silent half-empty heart,
where your memory, our memories,
sit to stew and fuel me until tomorrow,
where I will have to wake up,
and start over again.
I am a horrible Project Life blogger, aren’t I? I go weeks without showing anything, and truthfully, my Project Life has not been very exciting lately anyway. Most of our days are spent waiting now. Waiting to hear from the bank. Waiting to hear from the realtor. Waiting for the weekends. Just lots of waiting. Not the kind of thing that motivates me to take photos and keep note of the days.
I recently subscribed to Studio Calico’s Project Life monthly kit, something I said I would never do (I swore off subscribing to any kit for that matter), but I have to say I love it. The small embellishmnts are things I would never normally go for, but I am surprising myself at how easily I am using them. And the quality of the cards is great. All around a win for me. I have seen complaints on SC community boards about lack of embellishments in the kits, etc, but really, I think that a switch-up between months of heavy embellishments and gorgeous cards is a good thing. I don’t want to be swimming in sequins and glitter and die cuts every month. Wood veneers are a different story.
I am still trying to keep things simple and straight to my style. Heavy pictures and only necessary journaling. As easy as possible. Maybe when we move I will have more time and focus on this Project, but for now, this is doing the job.
I don’t know why it took me so long to finally pick up this book and start reading. I guess I always have to wait out the hype of best sellers to see if they are worth it. (And I always have to read the book before seeing the movie.) Usually they are. This one definitely was worth it.
There were so many parts where I wanted to slap one character, and other places where I wanted to high-five another. I have always been interested in black rights and how the mentality of racism affected every single part of someone’s life. I suppose we have our own hatreds these days (think DOMA), but the thought is just foreign to me. I can’t imagine treating someone as if they were less than me based on their skin color.
Now, I have read the book. I guess the only thing left to do is see how the movie compares.
I long for the light,
light that soaks in sunshine
and breathes it out slowly
and softly onto my face.
Light that makes my camera dance
with the assurance of a bokeh-filled photo,
depth being no problem in its presence.
Light that lifts me up at the corners,
where grayness tends to lull me
into consistent winter boredom.
I long to feel the aroma of tulips
so thick it sits on my skin
but can be wiped away
as easily as the lovers kiss
from the night before.
I long for strong rains
and deep valleys of green
soaking in every ounce of moisture
in the earth’s gentle skin.
and brings its radiance with it
too seldom for my aching pores.
it is the light
I long for in the dark.
I shouldn’t post this. I certainly shouldn’t listen to it. But oh well, I am going to anyway.
For the entire time I was in middle school and high school, I would wake up early to go to school, and my dad would already be up, getting ready for work. He would have his old gray worn out radio set to the old country station. And we would listen while we got ready. Songs like this would come on and I never paid too much attention. But now I distinctly remember a few that had always been my favorites.
It’s funny how music can take you back to a time and make everything seem that real again.
Miss you, Dad.
+ loving: a day off work.
+ reading: The Help. Such a good book.
+ listening to: Spotify radio.
+ eating: Homemade beef jerky. My husband is good at that.
+ drinking: Fruit-infused water. It’s better than I thought.
+ planning: A remodel, a move, and a huge new-home decorating extravaganza.
+ missing: my dad. Of course.
+ enjoying: whatever sunshine I can get.
+ craving: a day where I don’t have anything to do. Where I can just do what I want.
+ seeing: chipped nails. And I just don’t care.
+ wishing: IKEA in Kansas City was done already. How will I ever wait another year?!