Here we are, more than halfway through June, and I am trying to keep up. Trying to get back in the swing of things. Trying to look at the bright side of every day, instead of the immense numb feeling I have when I think of my dad. It’s so weird to me, this feeling, because it’s a mix of sadness and just nothing. I don’t know what I expected it to feel like, but I don’t think it was this.
Whenever anyone I know has died, I have been left with simple regrets, things I wish I had told them, hugs I wish I had given, chances I never took. But this is different. My dad knew I loved him. I knew he loved me. I hugged him more in his last 2 months than I ever remember hugging him in my life. We have never been an overly emotional or affectionate family; we are tough in that sense and don’t show emotion normally. We all know that we love each other, but we don’t verbalize it. So, since my dad and I had said what we needed to say to one another, I don’t have those regrets that I might have otherwise. More than feeling an overwhelming sadness, I just miss him.
But life is slowly trudging on. We are off to central Kansas this weekend to see my brother, and after that, I am putting my full effort into being the house-buying, stamp-selling, amazing-cook-of-a-wife that I know I can be.
Til then, hang around with me, okay?
1. sweet little Layla bug.
2. ER for super-bad sprained ankle. My entire foot is now black & blue (but not broken!).
3. rose garden.
4. morning coffee.
5. new lace Toms. love.
6. my strawberry plant is a-growing.