Archive for ‘June, 2013’

yellow sunshine
brightens the sky
to a silky soft blue
so close I could reach out
and take cotton ball clouds
cold in my fingers.

you were here
and the scattered scene
of glittery air tells me so.

turn it up
and let me see
your smile.

let me know
it is okay
to smile too.

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When we started planning last year, Greg and I agreed that we wanted a fast ceremony. Quick and easy, but still one that meant something to each of us. We planned it out to be 10 minutes or so long. Perfect.

So when people were still showing up at 10 past 5. we knew we had to start. My brother pushed my dad down the aisle in his wheelchair, and my mom pushed me in mine. If there was something that my dad wanted besides being there, it was to give me away. And that’s all I wanted too. My dad was there to do whats dads are supposed to do. (Thank you, Dad.)

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We went through the common vows, the ones that you “repeat.” And immediately, I choked up. I lost all concentration and asked “What? Say that again?” at one point, which turned my happy tears in giggles.

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The train rolled through, blowing its horn, for the entire 30 seconds (or whatever it was) that we exchanged our personal vows for each other. People said later that they couldn’t hear, and suddenly it occured to me, that it was perfect that way. They were our vows, nobody else’s. A lot of them asked me if I had timed the train or timed our vows to be intentionally overpowered, but really, I didn’t. I wish I had been so clever to think of that!

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Something about the way the weather, the train, all of it, went just how it wasn’t supposed to, but I wouldn’t want it any other way.

After the ceremony, we moved into the barn. The greeting line felt like it was neverending. Literally, I thought people were multiplying before my eyes. There was so many people. We had to set up extra tables and chairs even.

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We ate, we cut cake, we did toasts, and we danced.  Perfect day/night. One I will never, ever forget.

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All photos by Chris Gharst. An amazingly talented local photographer and friend.

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Finally! it’s is officially summer, and I have new stamps!
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These are the winners. 6 new designs. They can all be found in my Etsy shop now. I won’t be shipping for probably 4-5 days, just so that I can get a handle on the inventory I have and what the demand is for each and all that, but they will for sure be out the door in no more than 5 days.

I have a new Etsy to go along with this new blog, but my Paypal will still be carrielkoch@gmail.com for now. Until I can get through the official name-changing process.

{arrow}: I needed one of these. Needed. And there it is.
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HUSBAND/WIFE: I originally designed these for my own Project Life album for Greg and I, but it’s wedding season so what the heck. A little different than the his/hers and graphic boy/girl stamps I’ve seen lately (which I adore also). You can buy them seperately or as a pair.
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{love} summertime: Yes, of course, I do!
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{love} sunshine: I am sort of addicted to sunshine (only after slathering on the sunscreen, of course). I have a feeling that I will be using this a lot when I am full force with my camera.
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iloveyou: This can work on just about anything. It’s all one word because it’s all one thought.
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I loved our wedding party. Small, two a piece. Our best friend and then, sibling. Easy peasy. These 4 people know us almost as well as anyone else, and it was only right that we chose them to stand up (or sit down, actually) with us.

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Everything about our outfits looked just like I wanted. The girls’ dresses didn’t look silly with the Chucks, and the guys’ yellow ties were the same shiny yellow as the tulips in our bouquets. We all coordinated, and there wasn’t too much yellow or too much gray. It looked pretty elegant given that there was lace accenting everything.
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I loved it all.

People often want it to be sunny on their big day, but I knew that sun meant shadows for pictures. I didn’t want that so the overcast through the entire afternoon couldn’t have been any more perfectly timed. The weather gods were looking out for us that day.
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I don’t know how long we spent taking pictures before the ceremony, but it felt like it took forever and no time at all, all at the same time.

All photos by Chris Gharst. An amazingly talented local photographer and friend.

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Our entire wedding could not have gone any better in my mind. It was magical and nerve-wracking and completely blissfully full of love.  Greg and I had all of our friends and family there to watch us take these vows to each other. It was perfect.untitled (34 of 258)

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We picked the Victorian Veranda Country Inn almost right away. It was only the second place that we looked at, and from the moment we drove into the driveway, we knew that this was the place.  It just had that feel to it.  And it was yellow. No-brainer.

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The morning of the wedding, I was running late (of course) and as soon as we got to the Victorian Veranda Country Inn, it was a race to get ready. Darcy and Maria put their dresses on, and then after a glass of wine, we started on mine. It’s not easy to get a big wedding dress on when you are sitting, believe me. Melissa, Chris’ second shooter, helped out with getting the train out of the way. That girl was a life saver!

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The boys all got there before we did and hung around until it was time to get dressed. I love that Chris snapped pictures of Grant, Greg’s brother, in my chair. It’s just funny.  There are also pictures of them racing. My boys being themselves, for sure.untitled (46 of 258)

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But being late all worked out and after Aunt Bev sewed me up (she carries thread and needle in her purse, haha), we headed out to get pictures together.

I was so nervous. Not because I was getting married, but because there would be 200 people there watching me get married. That glass of wine (half a glass actually) calmed me down, and then as soon as I saw Greg, it was gone. I wanted to scream to the heavens that HOLY CRAP, WE ARE GETTING MARRIED!
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All photos by Chris Gharst. An amazingly talented local photographer and friend.

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soft winds rustle through the leaves
and a spiderweb stretches
its silky string to the porch,
no doubt sticking to me like glue later
after I have forgotten it is there.

she neighbors’ raised voices muffle
through their walls and our yard,
but the street stays quiet
with no traffic.

I wait for the warm to wrap me up,
the sun catching my skin
through the wave of tree branches above.

everyday,
this is it.

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IMG_4895My mom and I took that trip to Stockton this Friday, a quick trip just to see my older brother Donnie. Only 3 hours away, with lots of flat open nothing to just talk and laugh. My mom and I have always been pretty close, besides maybe a few fights we had when I was a stubborn teenager. We can talk about anything, and I think we needed a weekend away together since Dad’s passing. Greg has been helping me deal with it, but now is my turn to help her. I don’t want her to feel alone.

Donnie is doing well. He likes his job, and he plans on staying in Hays later on down the road. I know, he knows, everyone knows that staying away from here is the best thing for him. There are too many things that can drag him down and take him right back to where he doesn’t want to be, where we do not want him to be. We have all seen it too many times. We know what can happen, and I worry sometimes that it will again.

Maybe we will take more trips west this summer, but this one, it was a good one.

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sweet stretches of highway
lay themselves out before us,
helping to deliver the bad news
that sits as dry as cotton
on the insides of our cheeks.

only one way there,
then a million back
to the reality that nothing
will make as much sense
as it did two months ago,
so clear and sharply focused,
before grips came and took
the strong part of our hearts,
the very vein that kept us
pushing ourselves to be better,
better than the person we were
the day before.

now, I’m not sure where
I should be
going.

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photo+ C is dreaming of wall art for the bare walls of the new house.
   And a functional closet office space.
+ G is planning for a new bathroom and elevator.
   (oh yes, that says elevator).
+ C is slathering on sunscreen.
+ G is hating the summer heat.
+ C is adjusting to his long, odd hours.
   Oh, it is hail season!
+ G is adjusting to her city as home.
   Until they officially move to the country.
+ G is loving Spotify over Pandora (C knew he would).
+ C is soaking in whatever quiet she can get.
+ C is doing better about her dad.
+ G is there every step of the way.

photo by Chris Gharst, our awesome wedding photographer (more wedding photos to come soon!)

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Here we are, more than halfway through June, and I am trying to keep up. Trying to get back in the swing of things. Trying to look at the bright side of every day, instead of the immense numb feeling I have when I think of my dad. It’s so weird to me, this feeling, because it’s a mix of sadness and just nothing. I don’t know what I expected it to feel like, but I don’t think it was this.

Whenever anyone I know has died, I have been left with simple regrets, things I wish I had told them, hugs I wish I had given, chances I never took. But this is different. My dad knew I loved him. I knew he loved me. I hugged him more in his last 2 months than I ever remember hugging him in my life. We have never been an overly emotional or affectionate family; we are tough in that sense and don’t show emotion normally. We all know that we love each other, but we don’t verbalize it. So, since my dad and I had said what we needed to say to one another, I don’t have those regrets that I might have otherwise. More than feeling an overwhelming sadness, I just miss him.

But life is slowly trudging on. We are off to central Kansas this weekend to see my brother, and after that, I am putting my full effort into being the house-buying, stamp-selling, amazing-cook-of-a-wife that I know I can be.

Til then, hang around with me, okay?
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1. sweet little Layla bug.
2. ER for super-bad sprained ankle. My entire foot is now black & blue (but not broken!).
3. rose garden.
4. morning coffee.
5. new lace Toms. love.
6. my strawberry plant is a-growing.

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