somewhere, there is light still.

hope_textThis quote has become one of my favorites lately. It fits. It’s simple. It just about sums up things that brew inside of me perfectly. Especially the things that gather in my head at night when I am lying awake in the dark, hoping that I can fall deep enough into a sleep to ensure that the next day won’t be a complete drag at work.

Cancer is unforgiving. I never understood that before. I have known people with it. Known people who died from it. Known people who have been in remission for years. But I have never seen someone so close to me change so dramatically from it. I watch Dad change, feel good then bad, be confused and weak. I hear him quietly moan sometimes when he is in pain and refuses to admit it. And I will be honest about one thing: I am angry. Like turn-the-music-up-loud-and-SCREAM type of angry. Not that anybody deserves something so horrible, but especially not my dad. And I am scared. This is one of those things that I already know is going to break me. But on top of it all, I am hopeful. Things won’t ever really get better for Dad (maybe more comfortable but never better), but we can make them as good as they can be for the moment.

That’s all we can do.

4 Replies to “somewhere, there is light still.”

  1. the importance of hope when it seems farthest away is one of those things that dan taught me. i don’t know why i never thought of it that way before i met him. but ugh. this situation just sucks so much – for you, for your dad, for your whole family. it’s all just so unfair, really. and i think holding on to hope, especially now, is so important.

    1. Thank you. It has taken a lot to come to grips with what is happening, and even though I knew tough times would be ahead (my dad has had emphysema for years), I didn’t expect them to be now. It sucks, definitely.

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