currently: quarantine edition

Reagan52Weeks_week13Anyone else sick of being at home? Anyone else’s pets sick of having you at home? I know our dog and cat are.

Reading not much as of today. I don’t have the capacity or patience for it.

Eating anything that comes within five feet from me. I am working hard on the weight gain, fo sho!

Wishing it was four months from now, and things were back to normal.

Buying nothing exciting. Nothing is open so…..

Listening to audiobooks.

Feeling anxious. I need out of this house.

Dreaming of normal.

Drinking Gatorade.

Working on training documents for work.

Writing goals, dreams, etc.

currently: february

pexels-photo-373076.jpegReading The Best of Me by Nicholas Sparks.

Eating peanut butter bar candy. I’m not even a huge fan of pb, but these things are addictive.

Wishing it was four months from now, and things were back to normal.

Buying Rae Dunn. I am almost done with all of my “wish list” items/mugs for the kitchen.

Listening To podcasts. Of course.

Feeling worn out. Stressed. Irritable.

Dreaming of sunshine and warmth and summer.

Drinking water and pink lemonade.

Working on #projectlife. I am enjoying it as a distraction.

Writing a lot of poetry lately. It’s all the emotion.

A different kind of adventure.

bwIf you have been around Greg in the last 6 months or so, you’ll know that he hasn’t felt good at all. He was having stomach pain that wouldn’t go away. Sometimes it would be okay, but it got progressively worse until he couldn’t even leave the house because the pain was so bad. Test after test never showed any particular thing that could be causing it. We’ve been to his primary doctor, a gastro doctor a few times, one ER trip in Topeka. His blood work never showed anything alarming. Finally, January 17, we ended up in the ER in Lawrence because he could barely walk from the pain. They found a mass in his small intestine the size of a cutie orange. He had it removed 5 days later, and after testing came back, it was diffuse large b-cell lymphoma. Cancer. That is the scariest word. Further tests showed that it has not spread (Thank God!), but today we start the first of his chemo treatments to make sure every cell of it is dead and gone.

While chemo is scary, and we have no idea how it will affect him, I feel like we are actually on the uphill part of this journey. We know what the pain was caused from. We know it was cancer. We know it didn’t spread. And in a few short months, we will know that it is gone.

It’s going to be hard, but we’ll do it anyway. We have such confidence in both our surgeon and our oncologist, and we are ready to get this over with and keep going on with our lives. We have a body shop to get off the ground. We have a Disney trip to make next year. We have a little girl to teach to race. We have a 6th birthday party to plan. We have plans and opportunities and a future to look forward to. We have so many things to do, friends to make, people to love, and this is just a hiccup.

If anything, this has taught us that you need to slow down. Do things that make you happy. Stop living according to everyone else’s values and expectations. Do what is best for you. All those quotes that you read online are true when you’re looking down a road that feels full of uncertainty and thick with fear. So read them and take them to heart.

currently: september

reaganfallReading nothing at the moment!

Feeling tired. And unmotivated about almost everything.

Dreaming of changing leave and apple cider.

Writing all the feelings about Spinal Cord Injury Awareness Month. April and September are my most vulnerable months,

Listening to Taylor Swift’s new album. Every song is good.

Drinking lots of water. And Pepsi rather than Dr Pepper. IDK what is wrong with me.

Worrying about everything. It is all stressing me out at the moment. It would take 2 seconds to look at how my face is broken out to tell.

Happy about my hair loving the Curly Girl Method. Happy healthy hair.

Excited about mini sessions happening this month and next.

Dreaming of a day off by myself. Again.

Working on blogs.

Constantly wearing hoodies. Always. Forever. My favorite clothing item.

Eating chips and queso. A good way to put on weight!

currently: may.

reagan topeka ks family photographer week 15

Reading The Perfect Mother by Aimee Molloy

Writing poems every day for my 100 Day Project.

Dreaming of summertime fun. I am ready for swimming & tanning & the smell of sunscreen.

Listening to audiobooks. I thought I was addicted before, but I am up to 6 books so far this month.

Drinking lots of water with watermelon Jolly Rancher flavoring. I am trying to cut out Dr Pepper completely. *gasp*

Worrying about how our schedules will change in August. With Reagan going to kindergarten, it will be a new learning experience for all of us.

Excited about Reagan’s 5th birthday next month. I used to think I would be one of those Pinterest moms who goes over the top. Well, I am not.

Dreaming of a day off by myself.

Working on booking out my sessions to fall.

Constantly wearing my AirPods. One of the best gifts ever.

Eating onion bagels & wheat thins with garden vegetable cream cheese. So good.

out of my comfort zone.

I am one of those people who gets talked into doing things that I really don’t want to because I am not good at saying no.

Well, want to know something I am even worse at? Softball. I let my brother (a manager at the plant) talk me into signing up for the Red Dragons, and there’s no backing out now.

We had practice last night, and even though I know I am not particularly good, I did better. I actually hit the ball (multiple times!) and can catch. Throwing is hard because my hand strength is pretty much non-existent when I need it. Either way, it has been fun. Pretty sure this rain is going to cancel our game for tomorrow, but that’s not surprising in May in Kansas.

My co-workers have been awesome. This league is non-competitive, and even though I know a few of the guys WANT to win (who doesn’t!?) they don’t let that make them push us (the girls) any harder to be better. It’s definitely a “team building” experience so far!

softball

currently: march

planners

Reading: Girl, Stop Apologizing by Rachel Hollis. Just got it yesterday and am feeling good about it already.

Writing: Blogs and blogs and blogs. I want to get caught up and maybe ahead.

Dreaming Of: Summer heat. Sunshine. Slushies. Reading on the front porch.

Listening to: A random playlist. right now, it’s an Imagine Dragons song.

Drinking: Water. All about the hydration.

Worrying About: just about everything. Anxiety is getting me good today.

Excited About: ordering new Young Living essential oils tonight. I would say I’m a fan.  (If you are interested in trying, please let me know! You can use my code!)

Working on: finishing up race permit applications. They’ll be done tonight.

Constantly wearing: My Happy oil blend. Love it.

Eating: Rice Krispies treats. So good.

Feeling: Overwhelmed. So many errands and things going on. I need to do a big brain purge and get it all down on paper later.